Life walking in this mommies shoes

last night was sure something else lol i ended up having Curtis take me to my moms house cause i didn't want to be here anymore after he had that girl come over and help me move last night && his stupid status update i never knew moving could be so much fun.i don't know Curtis's is just crossing all kinds of lines he shouldn't be. I think id be a lot more okay with things if i had some kind of a claim on him again i think these new found insecurities i have wouldn't be so awful and my mind wouldn't be running a muck all the time that's why i feel bad cause i know that girl has a son also but she is with his father still && she is like madly in love with him and doesn't see Curtis that way at all but I'm very jealous of her and all the time and conversations she has with Curtis and I'm so insecure about it and see her as a threat and i never have with any other girl before involving Curtis i always knew his feelings and trusted him and etc but know that he is saying he has no feelings my mind is thinking all the worst.i made an offer to him today about just starting kind of over like our relationship went so fast and we never really got to learn the basic tools too make this work so i offered that i think we should give this another shot and not start over where we left off and be all madly in love like thing but start over to back to boyfriend and girlfriend build strong feelings and talk to professionals and let them help us through this issue and all our other ones like really do it right this time i mean we got kicked out Thursday and now where in this new home better environment its like were getting a new chance and a second chance with everything including me and him doing this right and he keeps saying we need to build our friendship first but i consider him the closest friend Ive ever had he knows everything about me i haven't told him a single lie.nothing but honesty he knows me better then myself how do you get closer then that? we laugh we joke we can be so happy the only reason we don't seem like good friends now is cause all the tension that's going on because of everything so its all very complicated but i think starting over a little going back to where we started and building on that building a strong strong foundation figuring our selves out through talking to professionals and figuring out or whats and needs and all while being together and doing it together. i think that sounds like an amazing plan && i also feel like we owe it too Caleb to try everything possible to see if theres any way to be together together so he can have both parents together happy and loving one another but if we go and try everything and still can't work then at least we did all we could.i just wish life would tell me what its doing so i know cause this is so confusing and terrifying not knowing.