Life walking in this mommies shoes

Well lets do a quick recap shall we?

Last night even tho god told me not too(i really need to learn to listen better) i had a longgg talk with Curtis and well he told me he isn't "in love" with me anymore and that i should move on and date other people and etc etc and that if who ever i date hurts me he will kill them without a thought(not talk,not beat him up)but literally end a life. that he is going to be over protective over me forever on. && that he didn't want this too happen he didn't want our love to end but he can't control his feelings. && i asked him a question that lets say i do move on what if i do find someone and what if you do fix your self and fall in love with me again and i already have a life and maybe a family started then what,his respond was I'll make you come back with me.<-----(that statement right there kind of sounds like a man who still has feelings or maybe its just me.&& all night he kept putting his self down saying how stupid he was and that he wishes he could just feel in love with me again and etc etc but he still does feel an attraction to me just not romantic or anything.
now lets begin about today
today has been a roller coaster i begun my day depressed since last night i found out my relationship and all hopes for it were lost and that I'm a single mom now and everything and Curtis was acting very wired and cold. and then he has been with his best friend cody all day and i was finally tired of spending the day mopping around in the house that i called the most amazing women i know Curtis mother.:D and she let me help and vent to her and then she invited me and monkey over for another one of our mother daughter movie night things that we have started doing every other weekend which i enjoy and so does Caleb and since she is leaving next weekend she wants to see Caleb as much as possible.:D any who we had an amazing time have girl talk and playing with Caleb watching avatar and then we began having a very serious conversation and she explained a lot too me like that the fact is the best thing a father can do for is kids is love their mother,the best thing a mother can do for her kids is respect their father. god made men to basically be knight in shinning armor and save && make girls happy and made women to love and adore and respect men. and that when i left Curtis i made him feel like he failed at doing just that so he went in to his"cave" and has just been hiding in their because he is just so deeply hurt. and that him saying he wants me too move on and see other guys seems like it him testing me weather he knows he is doing it or not he is seeing if i will wait for him and stick it out and see if I'm serious and my feelings are real or if i can just move on.
she also helped me with my god problem if you don't know i used to be very close to god as a child after my parents divorced we stopped going to church i met Curtis and he made me want to get close to god again and Ive been trying but its a lot harder to make your self believe and feel again then it is when your a child. but she made me see i am more attuned to god thing i realize i am i hear his voice all the time i just don't know which voice is his but i think i do understand his voice.
back to a recap-
last night i asked god if i should talk to Curtis && said if he thinks i should to not let Caleb be able to sleep Caleb ended up falling asleep so i took it as okay i need to talk to him right when we sat down to talk Caleb woke up screaming crying. how strange and amazing at the same time right?

any who so i feel like i can understand and hear god a lot better and i feel like i can feel him with me and comforting me and thank god for him and Curtis's mother they are my strength and i honestly believe he helps her with what to tell me cause some how before i even talk she knows just whats going on just what i need to hear.i honestly believe my life is meant to be spent with Curtis and I'm going to trust god and follow him and let him lead me and him back to each other cause i can't do this on my own.

she also helped me with wonderful advice on how to help better myself and better understand men and everything so im about to begin a journey with gods help to make myself that much better.